


Sea Glass and the Sun in Your Eyes

by lacewingss



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Pining, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 03:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11245776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lacewingss/pseuds/lacewingss
Summary: After so many long years Armin and Eren are in reach of the ocean. All this time Armin has been holding back, keeping his feelings locked away. Maybe now, with the scent of salt in the air and the freedom offered so close, he can finally set them free.Spoilers up to chapter 90 of the manga.





	Sea Glass and the Sun in Your Eyes

Sleeping outside was nothing new. Armin had spent more nights than he could remember without the safety of a roof over his head or the softness of a bed beneath him.  
  
Some nights were more difficult than others. The nights he spent huddled under awnings on the streets with Eren and Mikasa, no room left in the shelters for refugees, not even children. Nights spent staring straight above him into the swirling clouds, his body aching because he wasn’t strong like the others, because training took more out of him than anyone else. Worse still, the nights he squeezed his eyes shut against the sounds of screams below him as people were devoured and he needed five minutes of rest or he couldn’t go on.  
  
Tonight was better by far than any of those nights . He had a bedroll, a pillow, warm clothes. There were people he knew and trusted sleeping nearby. The threat of titans was low, though never really gone. Tomorrow they would reach the ocean.  
  
He could hear the soft murmurs of Jean occasionally talking in his sleep, which he swore he didn’t do yet still some mornings woke with tear soaked cheeks. Connie’s heavy and even breathing was somewhere to Armin’s right, a sound so familiar and comforting that it could have lulled him to sleep. Someone was still up keeping watch, and judging by the distinct sound of chewing it was likely Sasha.  
  
Armin shifted in his bedroll, trying unsuccessfully to get more comfortable. He turned to his side, pushing his shoulder into the ground as he looked straight ahead.  
  
And there was Eren, laying slightly apart from the rest of them, his form curled in on itself under his bedroll and the extra raggedy blanket he had found somewhere in the ruins they passed through. He was facing Armin, his eyes shut tight in what was either a nightmare or pain. Maybe both.  
  
Eren hadn’t been sleeping well this whole trip. He tried not to show it, as he often did with his problems, but Armin noticed. It was difficult to miss when his focus was so often on Eren, looking after him in the small ways he could. Tonight was no exception, and Armin spent a few heart breaking moments watching his body, so small when it was curled tight as it was now, shudder and shake.  
  
He was cold. That was it. There was no dream, no lingering pain. Just cold. Simple, easily remedied cold.  
  
Shifting again, pushing himself just slightly nearer to Eren, Armin took a long breath. The chill in the air was pulled into his lungs, little pinprick burns down his throat causing him to stutter and cough before swallowing away the discomfort. When he breathed next  little puffs of moisture hovered by his lips, clouding his view of Eren before finally chilling enough to disappear into the night air.  
  
When he looked closely, focusing not on the way the blanket over Eren trembled but on his lips, Armin could see the same pattern repeating. A puff of breath, freezing and disappearing.  
  
The heat in Armin’s chest would be enough to warm Eren, he was certain. If only it could be let out, set free to wash over his cold body and embrace him in the fire that had burned there for so long.  
  
His skin and breath would have to do for now.  
  
“Eren?” Armin’s voice was soft, just loud enough so Eren could hear it from where he lay.  He was pleased to hear that it didn’t tremble or falter, that it was strong despite its whisper.  “Are you okay?”  
  
As he watched Eren’s body stopped its shaking, tensing at the sound of his name. It must have taken him a moment to match the sound with a source, but when he did he relaxed again, his body returning to the same pattern of shivering.  
  
His response was soft, voice muffled by layers of cloth and the chatter of his teeth.  
  
“Fine.”  
  
It was the reply Armin had anticipated. A curt and strong refusal of weakness, despite the clear evidence that his body betrayed. He wouldn’t be Eren if he’d answered any differently, though, and that alone brought the edges of Armin’s lips up in a faint smile.  
  
He had known the answer before he asked, but he also knew how to get an honest and true answer once roles had been played. They had been through this cycle before, and Armin had learned early on how to gently coax Eren’s true feelings from him. The little ones at least; the ones that didn’t leave Armin up at night, wondering with an ache in his heart.  
  
Speaking just a bit louder, his voice carrying easily across the dirt and trampled grass, Armin asked again.  
  
“You’re not cold?”  
  
In his voice it was clear he knew the answer. His words were a gentle prod, a reassurance that it was okay to admit because Armin already knew and all he wanted was to ease whatever was bothering Eren. The tone was familiar, and that was what worked to win his friend over.  
  
“No, I’m fine,” Eren repeated, but his strong facade was cracking and his head emerged from beneath the layers of blankets to look over at Armin. Even in the dim light of the stars and the flickering of the lone torch some ways away Eren’s eyes were bright. In his chest Armin’s heart clenched tight and he found it difficult to take his next breath.  
  
A moment passed, Armin waiting patiently for Eren to speak again, like he knew he would.  
  
 “Maybe I’m a little cold,” he finally admitted, a hint of defeat in his voice. He blinked slowly, breaking the spell that kept Armin from looking away from his eyes. “Aren’t you?”  
  
Following Eren’s gaze, Armin realized he was looking at how he was laying, arms and shoulders outside of his bedroll and no extra covering. If Eren was cold he should be too. Armin had always been the weaker of the two, the one more susceptible to the elements and the wear of life. Now here he lay, frost forming at the foot of his bedroll and breath freezing as it left his mouth, and he wasn’t cold. Not in the least.  
  
Slowly, Armin shook his head.  
  
 “I haven’t been cold since-“ he cut himself off, unwilling to say the words that would finish his sentence. Even now, after time had passed, voicing the memories of that day, the day he became something not wholly himself, was difficult. It was as if he said the words, recalled the way his body grew wild and devoured, the titan in him would be evoked and seek the freedom of its form.  
  
Instead, Armin swallowed back the words and tried again, this time choosing them more carefully.  
  
 “I don’t really get cold anymore.”  
  
There was a small sound of acknowledgement from Eren, like he was holding his own words at bay. Armin thought maybe he was reliving his own memories of that day; the day when they had almost lost each other. They had never spoken much about it. Some things were too hard to force out.  
  
A moment passed, Armin still watching Eren’s body huddled beneath blankets. He hated seeing him like this, suffering in a way that he didn’t need to. He suffered so much already. Something small like this, something avoidable, shouldn’t take its toll on him. Not when Armin was there to help.  
  
“Do you want to come over here?” he asked, his eyes drifting to the sky so he couldn’t see Eren’s reaction. “Its warmer near me.”  
  
There was a heartbeats worth of a pause, enough for Armin to sigh softly to himself in defeat. Then, somewhat muffled, Eren’s voice.  
  
“Yeah. Okay.”  
  
Armin looked back to the spot where Eren lay, watching as he emerged from beneath the bedroll and blankets. His hair, longer now than Armin could ever remember, was tangled and matted from the pillow that could have been mistaken for a rock. He crawled closer, shivering in the chill air with nothing but his thin nightclothes to warm him.  
  
When he was close Armin shifted in his own bedroll, pushing himself as far to the side as he could, leaving space for Eren. He climbed in with little hesitation, only once looking beyond Armin at the other sleeping bodies around them. Deciding no one was awake to see them, Eren settled himself next to Armin and pulled the bedroll back over them, cocooning them inside.  
  
Eren had been this close many times before. They’d huddled together and leaned on each other and carried one another through all of the tragedies of their lives. Tonight, though, Armin thought it felt different. Their bodies were pressed nearly together, Eren’s feet tangling with his as the bedroll narrowed near their ankles. Armin could feel the coldness of his skin even through both of their clothes as their shoulders leaned together. It was Eren’s eyes that he noticed the most, though. Wide and close, watching Armin look at him. A jolt of electricity shot down his spine when he noticed Eren’s gaze stray to his lips before continuing down, landing somewhere on his chest.  
  
Shutting his eyes against the sight of Eren in front of him, Armin did his best to slow his rapidly beating heart. It wouldn’t do for Eren to notice, and being as close as they were he worried it was a real possibility. He could explain it away, say it was only due to the cold, or ever present fear. What worried Armin was that he wouldn’t want to explain it away, that he would say just why his heart raced when Eren was near.  
  
Armin’s eyes snapped open when he felt Eren press close, closing the scant distance between them. His head tucked in to rest on Armin’s chest, tangled hair tickling his chin. It was then Armin noticed the way Eren was still shivering, his body, the one Armin viewed as so strong and indomitable, shaking against him.  
  
Moving his own trembling arms, Armin wrapped them around Eren, holding him in place.  
  
“B-better?” he asked, lips just above Eren’s head. This was new - this intimate position where Armin would have no trouble shifting just enough to kiss Eren’s goose pricked skin. That wasn’t way they were like this, though. It was no act of intimacy, he reminded himself. Just one of necessity.  
  
“Mm.” Eren’s noise of confirmation was muffled as he nuzzled his face further into Armin’s chest, seeking out the warmth and comfort it offered.        
  
“Huh. You are really warm,” he added, and Armin did not miss the soft sigh that left his lips.  
  
A few minutes passed, no more words said between them. Slowly the cold radiating from Eren’s skin was over taken by the heat from Armin’s, leaving the inside of the bedroll balmy and warm. Eren didn’t move from his spot, shifting only to press his feet to Armin’s calves, warming the soles through the layers of his socks and Armin’s pants.  
  
Armin himself didn’t dare move. He worried if he did the moment would be broken; Eren would decide he was warm enough, that he could go back to his own bedroll and last the rest of the night on his own. He wanted to savor this experience as long as he could, to memorize the way Eren’s body felt so close to his.  
  
As they lay together his thoughts drifted, though never far from Eren.  
  
“Eren?” Armin’s voice cut through the silence, a whisper just loud enough to reach Eren’s ears inches away. A slight nod of Eren’s head was his answer, enough to let Armin know he was still awake, still listening.  
  
 “Do you remember that winter we were kids when I got lost in the snow outside the village? We were playing, us and Mikasa, and we got separated.”  
  
Armin paused, remembering the way the snow fell in sheets, a white wall as far as he could see. He had thought it was so beautiful. But he when he stopped to watch it fall, landing softly on his eyelashes, he had fallen behind his friends. When he looked again he was alone.  
  
“I was out there for a long time. It was the first time in my life I thought I might die…but then you came back.”  
  
The pressure on Armin’s chest lessened, and when he looked down Eren was raising his chin, looking at him with eyes that hardly seemed to blink.  
  
“Your lips were blue. My legs couldn’t run fast enough in the snow with you on my back. I should have got you to my dad-“ Eren stopped himself, a hardness replacing the light in his eyes. “I should have got you help sooner.”  
  
Armin only shook his head and smiled. One of his hands moved on its own to reach up to pet back Eren’s hair, a gesture he never thought he’d have the courage to do.  
  
“I was okay in the end,” he said. “Thanks to you. I’m always okay thanks to you.”  
  
He could feel Eren’s eye still on him, but Armin looked away. Past him, into the sky. His heart must be beating like crazy, the effort the words took betrayed by his inability to calm the racing in his chest. There was no way Eren missed it now, or the far away look on his face.  
  
“Armin?”  
  
He thought of it now, the way Eren was always there for him. Back when they were children, now, that day he had been ready to die so others, so Eren, could live. He hadn’t though; just like when he was lost in the snow, thoughts of life fading away, Eren had saved him.  
  
When he awoke that day he was different in a way that he could never fully accept. Even now, years later, he struggled to find the balance within himself of who he was meant to be.  
  
“I, I don’t really like this power,” he started, and he knew Eren would know what he meant. He would understand like no one else. He would know because he, too, must feel the same sometimes. “I still don’t know if I should be the one to have it. But. If it lets me do this, lets me keep you warm and safe like you always do for me…”           
  
Armin finally looked away from the vast sky above them and down into Eren’s eyes, which held him just the same.  
  
“I don’t mind it.”  
  
He hoped Eren would smile at him then, even just a small one. That the warmth in his body and in his voice was reach him. Instead Eren lowered his head again, placing it back on Armin’s chest.  
  
“You have to become what you hate in order to protect those you love,” he mumbled into the fabric of Armin’s shirt, so quiet it was almost unclear.  
  
“Hm?”  
  
Eren’s head shook, though Armin was more focused on the feeling of his hand moving up and resting, palm down, on his chest.  
  
“Nothing. Just something I tell myself.”  
  
Armin knew better than to push the topic; this was enough.  
  
Slowly his heart slowed and the rise and fall of his chest evened, giving Eren’s head a steady plane to rest on. Armin’s hand stayed in his hair, soothingly running his fingers through it in the way he’d always dreamed they would. He couldn’t say why this was happening now, why it had taken so many years and so, so many struggles to get to. He didn’t want to think why.  
  
Some time later he heard the shuffling of feet and a brief exchange of hushed voices; the changing of the watch. It was then he realized Eren was no longer shivering and he could no longer feel any trace of coldness within the bedroll or on Eren’s skin. They were both warm now, held close in embrace and sheltered from the world that in the light of day he desperately wanted to change.  
  
“Eren?”  
  
The third time Armin said his name was different. There was no question in it, like when he called out to him earlier. No tremble or hitch. It was sure, laced deeply with all the strength of his feelings for his friend.  
  
Eren looked up at him, maybe sensing the difference in tone, or maybe realizing he had never heard it sound quite like this before. The light from the stars, faint from the distance and the clouds, shone on his face, highlighting the lines of his jaw, his lips, his ears. It caught in his eyes, reflecting back to Armin his own round and smoothed face. He didn’t look small in Eren’s eyes, or weak. He looked framed by moonlight and glowing, a safe spot amidst the darkness.  
  
He could do it. He could tell Eren how he felt. How being close like this, his hand tightening in his hair and his feet tangling with his, meant more to him than anything else. It was only words. It was only true, precious feelings. How could Armin be frightened of that? How could it be more difficult to look at Eren and express himself than to face a titan? Than to take someone’s life?  
  
“I-" he started, the pit of his stomach twisting and tensing, the tips of his ears itching. He couldn’t look away from Eren’s eyes, from the way he was watching his lips. It was too hot under the bedroll now, a trickle of sweat making its way down Armin’s back and pooling.  
  
Armin slumped, the hand in Eren’s hair falling to the ground. He relaxed his feet, letting them slide away from Eren’s own.       
  
“I’m going to try and sleep now,” he finished, quiet and defeated. “You should too. We’ll finally reach the ocean tomorrow. It’s a big day.”  
  
Eren blinked, slowly once, then twice. He lowered his head again, placing it back against Armin’s chest.  
  
“Yeah. You’re right,” he said, and there was something off in his voice. Something Armin couldn’t place. “Tomorrow.”  
  
Swallowing back a sudden lump in his throat, Armin closed his eyes to the sky and the image of Eren still in his arms.  
  
_Tomorrow_. Another day they may not make it through, another day he may lose Eren. Tomorrow Armin would look at his best friend and wonder if there would ever come a day he could get the words out, and if by that day, it would be too late.

**Author's Note:**

> I like the headcanon that the colossal titan is always kind of warm, even outside of titan form, so this is what came of that!


End file.
